Every time I sit down and try to write a blog post, I stare at a blank page for a while, say, “Who the hell am I kidding? More stuff has happened in the past month than I have time to write about! In fact, I don’t have time for any of this.” [Close blank document, sip tea, twitch a little.]
In other news, I just disovered Allie Brosh’s blog last night, Hyperbole and a Half, and it not only nearly killed me because I laughed so hard I actually couldn’t breathe and had to put my head between my legs—I just know I won’t be getting anything done until I read THE. WHOLE. THING.
So, to keep you interested while I put together, in list form, all the things I’ve done this month and scrounge up some pictures to include, here’s a list of some of my pet peeves:
1. Overzealous use of windshield wipers. When it’s barely drizzling and someone in another car has their wipers on FULL SPEED, I give them the hairy eyeball. I don’t know why. I can’t help it.
2. When people on the internet say “That moment when….”. Just freaking say what you did.
3. When dogs jump on me. Especially big dogs. And I have to pretend I don’t mind because otherwise I’ll offend the owner of the dog, whose house I’m in while I’m being jumped on.
4. Miley Cyrus. Normally she inspires total apathy in me instead of annoyance, but I’ve had “Wrecking Ball” stuck in my head for 2 days now. Plus she was a total bitch to Sinead O’Connor, even if that little fight was fun to watch.
5. Canker sores.
6. When people spell my name with 2 n’s.
7. Banana strings. You know what I’m talking about? When you peel a banana but sometimes it has those little stringy bits still attached that you have to peel off because they are ABSOLUTELY WAY too disgusting to eat. And if you do get one in your mouth by accident, it’s just the worst thing. You have to fish it out…or if you’re in polite company you have to SWALLOW it…ugh. Just thinking about it is getting me all wigged out.